This year, on April 21, we had a change of thinking. As the day approached I had my usual feelings of sadness, anger, and a little bit of insomnia. About a week before the anniversary of Jack’s injury I went for an evening run. It was a beautiful night and all I thought about was what Jack was like as an infant. I remember sitting next to the window on Westside Drive in our townhouse in Iowa City on those cool fall evenings, nursing him to sleep in the glider rocker. I remember feeling like the luckiest mom in the world to have this beautiful child in my arms, drifitng in and out of sleep with milk dribbling down his chin, grinning in his sleep, perhaps he was dreaming baby dreams. I thought about the chain of events that led to Jack’s injury and how everything played out in ER. I thought about those horrible three weeks in the PICU and then our week in Pediatrics. I thought about those mothers who were waiting, hoping their child would be transferred out of PICU but never did. I thought of those mothers that just hoped their child would survive the battle they were fighting….but died on the 7th floor at UIHC, never leaving the PICU. Suddenly, with the wind in my hair and my body tired, my mind crystal clear, I felt that God was talking to me. I immediately felt grateful…felt lucky. My heart felt blessed with this sweet, funny boy who loves life and finds his own way of getting things done. He is a loving brother to his sister and baby brother and every day Jack does something that amazes me. I have a son to hug me and kiss me and make me laugh. My child was saved and is here with us. So I am done mourning on this day. I know Jack will learn from us…. he will see the example we set for him and if we are sad on this day then he will be too. I want April 21 to be a day of celebration….a day we come together as a family to celebrate Jack’s miracle of life!! So on my run I started to throw together some ideas for a quick party.
The next morning I told Jack we were going to have a party just for him. He asked if it was his birthday. I laughed…. and explained a bit. He was very excited. We called our family and told them the date and time. Jack picked out his own cake and cars to decorate the cake. The theme was, “Oh Happy Day!”
We downloaded the song, “Oh Happy Day” and we sang to him before he blew out his candles. I had already taken him to Thinker Toys earlier that day to let him pick out one present. I thought it was pretty funny that I told him he could pick out any one toy from the whole store and he picked a nine dollar battery operated car driven by a monkey. He was sooooo excited about his new car. The battery was dead within a day.
We had a wonderful party and I am very grateful to have had a change in my thinking. I am already looking forward to next years party!
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